Something I’ve really gotten sick of over the past 8 years is those ceilings! They are in practically every health professional’s office I’ve ever been to. I’ve got this mental thing now where as soon as I lay back and look up at one, I’m exhausted and depressed. Maybe someone can explain it to me. Are they just the cheapest thing available? The safest? Or is it some sort of psychological experiment. I don’t care what it is, I just want to know.
I think the progesterone is kicking in already. First shot of it was last night. Progesterone is my arch-enemy. First of all, it hurts the most. It is an intramuscular shot and for me, I’ve always been instructed that it goes in the butt cheek. I alternate cheeks every day, but after a few days, it becomes hard to sit comfortably. Second of all, it causes me to be in a bad mood whenever I have too much or too little of it in my body. I freak out at the slightest things, and I find myself getting depressed for no reason. Just before writing this blog I realized I was sitting at my desk thinking about how sad I am.
I’m not really sad, I thought.
Oh yeah, progesterone.
I have to take this stuff for the next two weeks while simultaneously trying to keep positive about those embryos. Usually, after one week, I tell my husband grumpily, “It didn’t work.” (The IVF that is.) He always replies in a positive tone, “You don’t know that.” It’s hard to say who’s right, but so far my prediction has been true every time.
Anyway, back to that ceiling.
I went to my chiropractor today to get myself straightened out for the embryo transfer. Last time I went after the retrieval, I was all crooked in the pelvis! Turns out it was the same this time. I laid down on my back and looked up at the drab canopy over my head. I closed my eyes. The chiropractor told me that doctors are not always gentle with people when they are under anesthesia. I blurted out, “Yeah who knows what they’re doing!” Luckily he didn’t ask me to explain that further.
Getting chiropractic adjustments has been a great step for me in my journey toward health. I began seeing a chiropractor because I had heard that a patient’s hearing loss was cured in his first successful adjustment. About 8 or 9 years ago I started losing my hearing. I have almost no hearing in my right ear and maybe 60% in my left. I wear hearing aids in both ears. This whole thing rocked my world. I don’t think I can even go into the things I miss about having perfect hearing; it’s too overwhelming.
There have been times that I have thought that my hearing is the reason I can’t get pregnant. Not in a medical or scientific sense but in the sense that, maybe God thinks I wouldn’t be able to take care of a baby. I know this is nonsense. There are parents without arms and legs, there are blind parents, there are all kinds of parents. I know God isn’t like that. But these are the things that cross my mind when I’m laying awake in bed staring at my own ceiling. Sometimes we can take the sentiment that “everything happens for a reason” too far. Here is a good blog I came across about that, if you’re up for some more reading: Why Everything Does Not Happen For A Reason. Just something to think about.
So I didn’t regain my hearing from chiropractic but my doctor has changed my life for the better. For one, he has allowed me to trust male doctors again (as long as I’m awake) and more importantly, he has healed my chronic migraines and neck pain. If I get a migraine now, it is rare and I know the cause (extreme lack of sleep) so I know how to minister to it. I also had severe pain in my hip for over 2 years and I haven’t been bothered since he began treating me. It may not be for everyone, but if you have already tried it and didn’t take to it, it also may be that you haven’t found the right person. I had tried a few before this one and never felt like anything was really happening. That’s not to say they weren’t good, they just weren’t right for me. Asking around and reading reviews can help you to find the best doctor for you.
Tomorrow morning I’ll find out when I will be having the embryo transfer (and when I will be staring up at another one of those chintzy ceilings… Lord willing.)