This Time Around

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Day 22 – a husband’s perspective

This whole IVF adventure has been a wild ride, but this sixth one has certainly been the most enjoyable. Granted my memory of the other 5 is colored by their ending in disappointment, but this one has just felt a lot more natural for several reasons.

For one, we’re old pros now. We know to schedule a good amount of time off after the retrieval and after the transfer. We know how do the shots (ice before progesterone, and massage the muscles around the injection site after). We clean the house and get the supplies stocked up. We’ve been around the IVF block a few times, and knowing the terrain makes the journey a bit more relaxed.

Another reason this round has been better than others is that it’s been in the summer. It’s nice, when going to appointments and stuff, to not have to gear up to brave the cold. I’m sure the extra vitamin D is good for us, and getting in the ocean (the womb of all Earth life) is good medicine. Because I farm and the growing season is so busy for me, we’ve avoided the summer IVF cycle, but it’s been enjoyable (the season is not less busy, but I care more about growing a human than vegetables:).

Also, we’re more mature than before, which is nice. Often times Christina feels that our failure to procreate is her problem (e.g. scrambled eggs), but I’m not counting out the possibility that God wanted to give yours truly a little more time to mature. Maybe the extended delay is a merciful ministry to the future children whose father will be slightly less weird (or rather whose weirdness is slightly more tempered) than if I’d procreated as a younger man. For example, just ten minutes ago I was thinking about how it would be awesome to have a kid and train the young one to help me pull off elaborate pranks on my friends (Matty, if you’re reading this, be forewarned that team Z is coming for ya, Lord-willing)

Related to maturity, it seems that over these years of trials and tribulations, Christina has cultivated a deeper and more secure trust in the goodness of God. She has become more skilled at seeking spiritual fruits rather material (and even biological) ones. I have really enjoyed seeing her shine as a bad-ass child of God, a wise woman, and a loyal friend to those in her life.

Finally, I think this 6th cycle has been more fun because of this blog. We have experimented with various levels of sharing during these things: usually we tell only close friends and family, but we’ve done one where we didn’t really tell anyone. There’s merit in these approaches (you have to tell fewer people if it doesn’t work), and I’m not necessarily encouraging people to be so public about this stuff, but it’s been fun. It’s nice to have so many beautiful and loving people involved in our life and understanding this facet of our journey. It’s cool that people can stay in the loop as things progress, and we’ve really enjoyed all the kind words and prayers from you all.

I’m proud of Christina for being so honest, open and committed to this blog, and I hope it can be a tool for people who are going through similar challenges and for others who know people in this type of situation. For those out there who have tried and tried again, who have poured every ounce of emotional energy into trying to have a baby, who have prayed and cried and feel confused: know that you are not alone. You have brothers and sisters who have felt like you and who love you even though we’ve never met. And you have God’s spirit within you, willing to share the fullness of your sadness with you if you will share it with him. And as you share your inner life with him, he will to reveal to you the eternal value of all your earthly struggles. In time and eternity, memories of such moments of sincere sharing may prove to be our most valuable treasures.

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2 thoughts on “This Time Around

  1. Ben, it is so important to hear your feelings you are both in this infertility situation together and it’s so important to communicate to one another. You both are a great example to others and the blog has bebn a great idea….lynn

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