I’m going to call her Rose for my blog readers. Mostly because I want to give her some privacy on the internet, but also because the name is so special to her. She’s our birth mama, and the name is actually fitting because she is as sweet as a rose and loves the color red, too.
Rose, my husband, and I have decided to have an open adoption. This means different things to different people, and at different stages in life (i.e. visits, photos, emails, calls, etc. depending on the agreement), but for now it means that we are working on having a relationship so that our kids will know their birth mother, ideally throughout their lives. One does not have to choose open adoption, however, our hope is that our children will know where they came from and that their birth mother’s decision was made completely out of love.
A truly important thing for anyone to know.
I think they will be the better for it.
Our social worker explained to us that there has been a major shift in just the past few years from closed to open adoptions. Everyone involved is seeing the benefits of this way of pushing the boundaries on the definition of family. People are not only opening their homes up to non-biological children, but also to non-biological family members. This past week, at least once a day, I have thought of Jesus saying:
Who are my mother and my brothers?
Honestly, though, this was not an easy decision for me. At the very beginning, my heart was still so bruised from not being able to get pregnant that I often thought:
There’s no way I can share my baby with anyone!
Okay, maybe my husband. ☺️
Then there were times where I felt like I earned some sort of right to a closed adoption because I had been through so much physically with my infertility treatments. Thankfully this crazy idea seems to have passed! I also read a book from a birth mother’s perspective that I don’t think I will recommend on here even though it’s a well written book. This book gave me such anxiety about open adoption that I wondered if I would really be able to adopt at all. I saw myself kicking my feet like a child screaming:
This isn’t faaaaaair!!!
I have had to do a lot of stretching… stretching my mind around this concept.
What I didn’t realize is that when I follow God’s will, or as I said in a previous post, that small but mighty voice inside, the stretching becomes easier. After getting to know Rose better, I see the bigger picture. I see what a beautiful story this can become if we allow it to.
A love story.
Just like a real love story, God has given us a Rose. She is intelligent and funny and above all, selfless. Her own story is not an easy one, but she has restored a belief in me that life can throw everything it’s got at you and you still have the ability to make good choices; to become a person of high character.
Her selflessness has obviously played out in the fact that she has chosen life for these babies and also that she has chosen adoption for them. She wants them to be in a family…. to thrive… to be part of a love story.
Yet, I was in awe this week of her most recent act of selflessness when we met her at Panera. She had brought us two cupcakes from a bakery that she had cut open herself and filled with colored M&Ms. She placed them in front of us and told us to cut them open. I can’t even begin to explain the excitement for what we knew was a “gender reveal”.
One cupcake with blue M&Ms.
The other with pink.
A boy and a girl!!
She wanted to surprise us with their sexes; to see that excitement that I can’t even begin to explain.
She did something much bigger than that, though.
For the first time in my life…
Someone made me feel like I am really going to be a mom…
And maybe a sister, too.